Aimless

I've become a walking-addict.

And everyday for hours I go nowhere and back.Buy myself a coke on the way.Chilled coke which you can feel going down your throat in the heat.Sweltering heat may I mention.And I don't even notice much on the way.Its really quite mad.
It happens like this.With a faint buzzing in my head and i wear my shoes and start out.Then the energy of the buzzing in my head.So loud I can almost hear it.Then the energy of my pace.Pulsating heels which begin to hurt.But never mind.
At the end of an hour or two it begins to settle down,a calmer version of the brownian motion sort of thing in my mind.Then I get back.
Am I unhappy?
I remember forrest gump did this when he was deeply unhappy and didn't even know it.
Am I too happy?
Otherwise its hard to explain the strange lightheadedness I feel.
Am I in love with the people on the street?
That's it I think.They who allow a strange creature to race along mid afternoon unquestioningly.No,I get none of the usual attention accorded to women out alone.
Everyone probably thinks I'm a boy.Who cares?
Being a nonentity gives you the greatest freedom.
I enjoy my freedom.

In Defence Of

The show is over and the children have dispersed.Into little frocked clusters sitting dangly legged on plastic chairs.He appalled by yet another piece of the Barbie cake ,resolutely gulps it down.Its come to this now.
He slides the the purple robe off , puts the rabbit back into the hat and trudges home.

………………………………………..

The desks are polished planks of roughly hewn wood,the text books pages are bleached to blueness.The small windows have curtains.Its that kind of school.

“Bank clerk.,sir”

“Shop ..er..businessman sir, stationery shop.”

“Tuition-teacher”

“….pata nahi sir..”

“Eng-lish!”

“I don’t know,sir”

“You do not know what work,your father,he is doing?!”

………………………………………………

He painfully wrote out his name in cursive and shot a glance at his mother.He wasn’t supposed to talk during home-work time but.. “Mummy…

Where is papa?”

“Working .You study.”

“What work?”

She twisted the corner of her mouth in contempt. “Why don’t you ask him what work a grown man like him is doing.”

……………………………………………….

A long draught of cool water from a metal tumbler .Comfortable now in his vest and dhoti.
His son came and stood next to him ,holding the wide arm of the chair for confidence.

You’re tired?

“A little..*weak grin*..long day”

“What did you do?...No my teacher was asking ..I didn’t know..”

He looked at his son and it all came in a rush ,drowning the rest out.So he whispered ,softly,enchantingly-magic.

“Oh!”

Parenting

While
Expertly arbitrating
And unthinkingly participating
In the cutting and drying process
Buoyed by what they've said
And heard said (Mama Knows Best)
Do they sometimes stop

To ask-But how should I?
Do their hands,suddenly uncertain
Drop by their side
When it stikes
-Why I still catch head-colds
And couldnt tie my laces
Till I was seven...

Modern code

To Find My Soul is the real answer,
But one can't say that standing on sneakered feet.
One must ,hands in pocket,relaxed shoulders,
Cloud his eyes with nonchalance and say-
Just For Kicks
Man.

Immediate Concern

Winter,
Quaking down the road
Muttering, 'useless... useless cardigan'
A soft warm cloud of auto emission
Touches,
Sooty,it thaws my frozen nose.
Dense,it curls around my feet.
Of course,*guilty look* it also causes
Global warming and all that...
Brr
Thank god.

Why it is how it is.

The god who lives in the hollow part of the sky was looking down.

And he saw climbing up,dreams.Densely smoking or little dreamlets.Which with a sudden spiralling spurt fizzled out.And the leaping flames which burnt out all competition.Then there were the ghosts of dreams,dreams for the sake of dreams...The ornamental ones.And pretty little things they were too.
But what was awesome and what was amazing were the numbers.Oh,the numbers.The sweeping base of these vapours.Their everywhere-ness.
So he looked on entranced,bewitched.Forgetful.

"Ei,you're meant to be doing something."

"Oh(shaken out of reverie) yes.YES.But.. (looking down again,frightened)
can I?"

Leader

Their swinging maces stunned
They looked at him in horror
Coward..

For standing in front of the
Roaring,churning crowd
He had looked up ,swallowed
And pronounced
-No We Can't.